The letter

I mentioned in a recent post titled ‘The interview’ the daunting prospect of telling my dad about the daily mail article that I was interviewed for. I was so afraid of how he’d react about my past and felt like I would be letting him down because he...

The interview

Jody day from Gateway Women (GW) recently asked if there was anyone who would be interviewed by Daily Mail for an article about being childless. When I read this request I thought that this would be a great, huge, step to take toward my healing but my inner voice...

The school reunion

I went to a school reunion last night. It was great to catch up with people who I haven’t seen since leaving school in 1987. As excited as I was to go I also found myself anxiously worrying about being asked if I had children. It would be natural for the others...

Unfulfilled dreams

One aspect of my grief that I have found difficult to deal with is that I will not be giving my parents the grandchildren that they dreamed of. For as long as I can remember my dad had been asking me when was I going to get married and have children. At that time I...

Christmas Buttons

We were discussing the emotional triggers associated with the up and coming holiday session, at a Gateway Women plan B session, yes the perfect storm for childless women. Thinking about the pending family gathering reminded me of a time, not too long ago, that I had...

Why could this not have been me?

So I have received news of another pregnancy. I remember a time when I would have been happy to hear such news but now I just feel numb. Its such a hard reality for me that there are times that I really cannot identify with what I am feeling. So I just cry and today...

Pregnant Friends…

A very special friend who is instrumental in helping me through my grief sent me a message regarding one of my recent blogs… ‘Hiding my pain in their joy’ regarding a friend who has recently announced that she is pregnant. My friend wrote… In...

One step closer to my plan B

After receiving the exciting news that I will be photographing Terry McMillan early next year as Women Talk’s official event photographer I was also honoured to be told that Women Talk are going to back my book and would like to get the book published to be...

Hiding my pain in their joy…

A friend of mine who has been on her own journey to becoming a mother told me recently that she is pregnant and I was unable to identify with how I felt. I found it difficult to move past the words “I am pregnant”. I have been on this journey with her...