I came across tis article recently by Kat Lister and found it very thought provoking. The author wrote about her experience of a friendship that survival and strengthened when her friend became pregnant whilst she was facing her infertility.
https://www.the-pool.com/health/wombs-etc/2015/45/how-it-feels-when-your-friends-are-having-babies-and-you-re-not
During my journey of coming to terms with my childlessness I have found myself questioning if certain friendships will survive. Kat mentioned in her article that “she can no longer send midnight texts to some of my girlfriends when I’m drunk on margaritas in Soho with a “come on down!” which reminded me of when my friend excitedly announced that she was pregnant with her first child, blog post https://findingmyplanb.wordpress.com/2015/10/15/hiding-the-pain-in-their-joy/. At that time I wasn’t facing a life without children but I distinctly remember realising that everything between us would now change. As happy as I was for her, I knew that I would no longer be able to spontaneously call her to arrange a night out because I was bored or just pop in for a girlie chat when I felt like it.
Some years on things have changed, she now has her second child and living her dream of motherhood and I am left wondering what this really means for us. Maybe it is because I am in the process of navigating my way through my grief and cannot fully understand everything that is happening to me and the way it is impacting on my marriage right now, and maybe it is because I do not know how to hold our friendship together (I am probably being unrealistic here) but I am fearful that this change in our friendship will not survive our very different journeys.
Kat’s statement that “What matters most is how we navigate through and the journey makes us stronger” is encouraging and reminds me that friendships are not defined by controlled events but survive because of our differences that make being here such a rich and wonderful experience.
Please feel free to share your experiences of how surviving your grief has impacted (positively or negatively) on your friendships… I would love to hear your stories.
Yvonne J x
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