As I sit here reflecting on the week I spent in Turkey I am reminded of the importance of self care. I came away on my own (I would say Turkey chose me as my only requirement was to be on my own and be in the sun).
A Journey of Reflection and Renewal
As I sit here reflecting on the week I spent in Turkey, I am reminded of the importance of self-care. I came away on my own; I would say Turkey chose me as my only requirement was to be alone and be in the sun. I never expected this trip to become a profound journey of self-discovery, woven with threads of solitude, bittersweet memories, and the beauty of the present moment.
The Solitude
Traveling alone can be a double-edged sword. I was looking forward to the freedom of being on my own, not having to consider someone else’s wants and needs, no compromises to make, I could go where I wanted to when I wanted to. I walked along and sat on the beech, enjoying the warmth of the sun, I wondered into shops, I sat and talked to some of the locals and I felt a sense of freedom. However as free as I felt the absence of my fiancée Cleve being here beside me to enjoy the moments that I know he would have enjoyed; the beautiful scenery, watching the sunset, scuba diving, was ever present. From the moment Cleve died I have felt like I’ve been fighting which has been painfully exhausting and I just wanted to escape this feeling that has left me not knowing how to do life without him. I wanted to retreat to a place where I could forget, where I wouldn’t feel this low even if just for a moment.
Happy Memories Amidst the Sadness
A standout moment of my trip was scuba diving in Aidim, exploring the Apuasis and the Imbat Reef, where vibrant marine life swirled around me. Watching the video of me feeding the fish brought back memories of Cleve’s deep love for the sea. It was a place that would have filled us both with laughter and wonder. As I felt the familiar ache of missing him, I recalled our first and only dive together last September in Dominica, a birthday gift from me to him. Looking back, I cherish that experience with immense joy; it was one of the many gifts I gave him, and among the last few meaningful moments we shared.
Embracing the Emotions
It’s easy to push away feelings of sadness, but I learned to embrace them instead (which isn’t always easy when you’re in public). The quiet moments became opportunities for reflection. I sat by the shore, watching the waves crash against the rocks, allowing my thoughts to flow freely. I recalled the memories we had built together and recognised that while they brought pain, they also bring joy. Each recollection of laughter, shared dreams, and adventures filled my heart with warmth, reminding me of the beautiful life we were building together. This trip became a cathartic release, allowing me to honour both my solitude and my love for Cleve. Each step forward allows me to reconcile my loneliness with the love I hold for him.
Finding Connection in Isolation
Although this is not my first solo rip, traveling alone opened up unexpected avenues for connection. I met others who shared their stories and experiences and was reminded of the importance of cherishing every moment. While there are times I feel lonely, the world is filled with stories waiting to be heard. Each interaction became a thread in the tapestry of my journey, weaving together moments of connection that softened the edges of my loneliness.
As my week in Turkey came to an end, I found a sense of peace within myself. I learned that solitude can be a powerful teacher, and that embracing my emotions, both joy and sadness, allows me to grow in ways that I never thought possible. although I returned to an empty house I returned with a renewed sense of self welcomed by the wonderful memories that fill our home.
This trip was not just a getaway; it was an exploration of my own heart. While I missed Cleve every day, I found solace in the fact that our love transcends distance. The memories we shared are a part of me, and they continue to shape my experiences, even when he is not physically by my side.
Turkey gifted me with the opportunity to reflect, heal, and appreciate the beauty of life’s dualities. I came seeking sunshine and solitude, but I found so much more. In the depths of loneliness, I discovered the power of love, the richness of memories, and the joy of connection. This journey reminded me that even in our darkest moments, light can be found if we’re willing to seek it out. As I wake each day I feel more able to embrace life with an open heart knowing that Cleve is forever by my side guiding every step I take.
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