I went on a 9 ½ hour, 12.6-mile (round trip) hike to The Boiling Lake, a volcano-hydrothermal feature and the second-largest boiling lake in the world, located in southern Dominica. The terrain was harder than we expected. We had to climb muddy steep steps, weave our way through intricate tree roots, navigate slippery rocks crossing rivers whilst carefully assessing which rocks were stable enough to take our weight whilst using our walking poles as leverage to help secure our footing. At times our walking poles would slip causing our guide, Kevin, to caution us with the words that we were relying on our poles too much. His caution made me think about support and I questioned if we (at times) rely on support too much, can support be a hindrance and what does support really mean?
The hike reminded me of my childless journey with its unexpected difficult challenges along with the rough terrain that took its toll on my body, my mind and emotions. At the start we were excited about what lay ahead, we anticipated how long the journey would take and we felt as prepared as we could be. We expected it to be hard and at points during the hike we questioned why we were doing it. There were also times where the pain had me doubt my strength and my capabilities.
What I was able to do on this journey was to celebrate each milestone we accomplished along the way instead of wondering how far we still had to go we celebrated how far we had come. With each rest stop we would marvel at the beautiful landscape, of how wonderfully powerful nature is.
We started our hike at 7.30am and at 12pm, with the continual encouragement and support of our guide, we made it to the Boiling Lake. We were tired, aching and delighted with our accomplishment. We sat and reflected on reaching this point as we took in the awesome view.
If I think of my childless journey this hike represented the journey that I had when I was trying to conceive. There was the excitement at the beginning, the hope and anticipation of what was to come along with the difficulties along the way. I remember how I felt in my body as if it was letting me down. Although we didn’t argue with each other on the hike we did have internal arguments with our bodies feeling like our bodies weren’t strong enough, like they were letting us down just like I questioned my body on my fertility journey. Through the rough terrain I found my footing on a journey that took me to a place where I reached a point where I could enjoy the view. Once I reached a place of acceptance (with my body and what it did and did not allow me to do) I could then stand and enjoy the magnificence of me/ my life in all its glory. I could also look at my life and celebrate what I had accomplished which I was unable to do during the difficult times where I could only see my failure.
There were times on the hike where I needed assistance from our guide to climb a step or scramble up a ridge because it was too high to reach on my own, sometimes I needed to pull on the roots of a tree to hoist myself up and sometimes I did need the walking stick because it helped me to find my footing. Sometimes my cousin put the stick away because she realised that she was using it too much and wasn’t relying on her own body (strength).
There are times when we need support but does is come at a cost? Can it be too much, can hinder our journeys?
I think it’s about knowing when to lean on someone else and when to ask for help but to also trust in ourselves, our bodies, our beings, our minds that we know we have the answers within. That we can do it, that we are strong enough, that we are enough. I also think that there is a place of surrender too, because we are surrendering our bodies to know when we need help, surrendering to the aspect that we may not be as strong (in that moment) as we thought we were, or maybe wanted to be. Maybe we were (surprisingly) stronger in other elements of our lives (possibly mentally and not physically) which helped us to continue and go on. Surrendering to the elements is necessary when we don’t know what’s out there, what we may meet on the road ahead and what we may need to go around but when we are there we can surrender to the fact that there is a challenge in front of us, and we can surrender our bodies to the fact that sometimes we have no control over what the elements will do but we have control over how we respond to “it”.
Peace and Joy
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