Jody day from Gateway Women (GW) recently asked if there was anyone who would be interviewed by Daily Mail for an article about being childless. When I read this request I thought that this would be a great, huge, step to take toward my healing but my inner voice screamed out that this is too scary to do. It was a battle to calm my nerves and consider what this meant for me, how it would be with the my story, my truth being out in ‘there’. How would people see me, how would they react to knowing about my past, the past that I have hidden away for so long.
During a coaching session I mentioned that I do not like to be noticed, which doesn’t really work out because there is always something that people will notice me for, my hair style, the colour of my dress, the way I carry myself, no matter how much I tried to hide someone always saw something in me and it was this something that I was always too scared to let shine. Working with Jody and GW I am starting to forgive my past and walk with a new purpose and am dealing with the inner demon that constantly tells me that I should hide my shame.
My coach tasked me with talking a step to be noticed, she told me that no matter what there will be people here to support me so I took the bold step and said yes to the interview. The journalist was very compassionate and gentle asked questions around the circumstances that led me to be childless and I had a great make-up artist and was photographed by the celebrity photographer Mike Lawn which was an experience in itself.
The thought of the pending article is still a daunting prospect and I am now preparing myself to talk to my dad, something that I never imagined would ever talk place. But as I think about what this could mean I remind myself that I have walked this road for a reason and if I can help someone else than it was worth it. As hard as it is to be here telling my story is a step closer to being free of my pain.
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