Who will speak for me?

Who will speak for me?

On Friday I attended my friends’ mothers’ funeral. Her mother had a great life, raised 5 daughters and was an active member of her church that included setting up a charity sending clothes, food and donations back to her home country in Sierra Leone. Sitting in the church and then at the reception reflecting on my own life I found it hard to contain my tears. As expected the service and testimonies from her family and friends were focused on her having children and grandchildren. The memories centred around what a wonderful mother she was which reminded me of that experience that I will never have. She was a formidable woman who impacted greatly on the lives around her. As her grandchildren started to share their memories of her I was reminded that neither me nor my husbands funerals will be like this, who would stand up and give such stories about us, who will rally around either one of us (depending on who goes first) to help us to make the required arrangements and be strong for us when we’ll need it the most? When I shared my feelings from the day with my husband he also mentioned that being the last of 4 siblings (and also being significantly younger than them all) meant that (if all goes according to the natural order if things) he’d be left with only his nieces and nephews, I’d still have my younger brother. What a daunting thought.

Sitting in that moment reminded me of how important it is for us, as childless individuals, to put our affairs in order, for me it’s to get my will updated, to sort out my power of attorney and to make sure that my husband and chosen others know what my wishes are if they were ever required to step in, especially as I know my husband will need that support. I am also realising how much I have been avoiding having this conversation with my husband (as he’ll need to have things in place if he does go first), it’s probably because of our age that he struggles with the idea of us dying and with the idea that something may happen where he will need to make a decision on my behalf. I’m even finding it hard to make time to put anything in place because lets face it, where is the urgency??? Attending the AWOC conference on the 27th June will be a good start but as AWOC have an audience of 50+ I am, at 45, apprehensive about attending. I really need to deal with my inner voice here and make this choice depending on what I need right now and right now I need that gentle push to put the wheels in motion. to ensure that mine and my husband’s futures are taken care. To be safe in the knowledge that, at least, something will be ok when ‘that’ time comes.