Ageing without children

Jody Day introduced me to Kirsty Woodard from AWOC (Ageing without Children) where I was invited to photography the AWOC and The Beth Johnson Foundation ‘Our Voices’ talk on the 16th May. There were a number of speakers from different backgrounds (childless and otherwise) who spoke about their concerns and experiences with ageing. The content of the talks included ‘who are the people ageing without children?’, ‘our invisibility’, ‘being judged for not having children’, ‘losing touch with other generations’ and ‘who will tell my story?’. It was a very insightful and thought provoking evening especially when I heard one (childless) women’s story of caring for her elderly mother and her concerns about who would look after her in her old age.

I have to admit that I still feel that, at 45, I have time to think about what will happen in my old age and at the same time (when I am not in denial) I realise that I am of an age that I do need to start thinking about that time in my life when I will need someone to speak up for me, someone who will protect my wishes if I am unable to speak for myself. I guess it’s about protecting my future self which is very daunting.

We discussed Elderhood during Jody’s plan B mentorship program where we looked at our hopes and fears about ageing without children reviewing our beliefs about our lives from now on and what exactly we believe about our own ageing. There were many negative and unhelpful beliefs where it was great to have the opportunity to get mine out of my head so that I could face the fears and work on turing them into positive beliefs. I have promised myself that my future (and marriage) will be more adventurous and am excited about planning new experiences with my husband but I am also conscious of the people in my life and having strong relationships that I can carry with me well into my future. It does feel like I have to work harder to maintain my friendships because I don’t have children, whilst making more of an effort to ‘stay in touch’ with the people around me as well as meeting new people that I may possibly form strong bonds with. I also have to make the effort to renew my will, organise my  Lasting Power of Attorney, draft my ‘letter of wishes’ etc …  stuff that I have definitely been avoiding…

On a brighter note, for those of you who are at that place where you have been thinking about your future and are concerned about what ageing without children may mean for you the AWOC conference is on 27th June https://awoc.org/conf16/ and it is set to be another great event.