Back in October 2020 I was contacted by Kelly Windsor Pawsey, a freelance radio and podcast Audio Producer, who’s worked predominantly for the BBC. Kelly was producing a podcast with the author, Nathan Filer the internationally celebrated author; his debut novel ‘The Shock of the Fall’ won the Costa Book of the Year award and his latest book, ‘This Book Will Change your Mind About Mental Health’, was a Sunday Times Book of the Year and the charity, Rethink Mental Illness, named it as one of their Mental Health Books of the Decade.
Their intention was to explore the essence of being human along with our human feelings. Kelly mentioned that it was something I said in an interview about “facing the monster” that really struck her so she contacted me about being interviewed by Nathan.
“I have listened to some of your interviews and you strike me as an eloquent and powerful woman”
Kelly mentioned that because I “face my monsters” she felt able to suggest for me to be a part of their interview and me, being happy to explore this (I don’t think I’ve specifically explored my monsters in this way before) I replied to Kelly’s email and we set up a call to discuss this idea further.
“We are looking for a person to explore a really difficult emotion we normally keep secret and hidden”
Kelly assumed that on the emotional rollercoaster of grief, envy was a monster that I had to face. She had heard me talk about how, at a certain point on my grief journey that, just being around babies and children reduced you to tears and was hoping that I would be able to explore and share how it felt to dance with the “envy” monster (I love the idea of dancing with my emotions), as well as what impact envy had on me.
Tea and Cake
On 3rd December 2020 Kelly (recording equipment in toe) then Nathan (wine in hand) arrived at my house and set up to record our episode. What an experience. Kelly methodically moving around my living room wondering how we could use the space and remain Covid safe, Nathan, taking Kelly’s direction whist sitting on my sofa eating my home-made Caribbean (Christmas) fruit cake. We were now ready to record….
On the 15th September Kelly contacted me to let me know that my episode had been launched on Apple podcasts. I listened back this morning, I was curious to see how they used my interview, and on my I was in tears. I don’t think I’ve been so affected by hearing my own words before and I hope this interview reaches your heart too…
Click here (or on the image) to listen
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