{"id":5612,"date":"2025-07-26T09:24:54","date_gmt":"2025-07-26T09:24:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/findingmyplanb.com\/?p=5612"},"modified":"2025-07-26T09:24:57","modified_gmt":"2025-07-26T09:24:57","slug":"dreaming-of-a-life-unlived-a-birthday-reflection","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/findingmyplanb.com\/?p=5612","title":{"rendered":"Dreaming of a Life Unlived: A Birthday Reflection"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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July 26th: Our Story Turns Another Page<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Dreaming of a Life Unlived<\/em> turned another year older. My baby is now 8 and she\u2019s fierce, full of feeling, and ever so slightly dramatic (just like me, really). If you\u2019d told me all those years ago, when I was staring at a blinking cursor and wondering if anyone would care about my and other women\u2019s stories of childlessness, not parenthood, not IVF success, not bouncing back \u201cmiracles\u201d I\u2019d have quietly shaken my head in doubt. But here we are. With every year that passes, this book proves again why it needed to be written, and why she still matters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Why I Wrote It: Making the Invisible Visible<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The idea for Dreaming of a Life Unlived<\/em> didn\u2019t hit me like a lightning bolt. It grew slowly, almost quietly seeded during my time on the Gateway Women Plan B mentorship programme. Sitting with other women who were navigating life without children, I realised something that wouldn\u2019t let me go: women like me weren\u2019t being listened to. Our stories weren\u2019t being told, and when they were, they were rarely held by those who cared to listen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At the time, I was deep in my own grief not just for the children I didn\u2019t have, but for the future I\u2019d imagined. For the conversations I could no longer join. For the rooms, family, friends, even workspaces, that I was quietly slipping out of because I didn\u2019t feel I belonged anymore. So, I wrote the book I needed. A book that could give us our voices back. And in the process, I found something I hadn\u2019t expected I wasn\u2019t as alone as I thought.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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The Ripple Effect: Stories That Speak Back<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Since its release, Dreaming<\/em> of a Life Unlived<\/em> has reached thousands of people\u2014some public, some private. But all heartfelt. I\u2019ve received messages like:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThis book gave me permission to grieve. Until now, I didn\u2019t know I was allowed.\u201d
\u2014 Tina, Birmingham<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI read your words with tears in my eyes and my hand over my heart. I didn\u2019t know someone else could describe what I\u2019ve been silently carrying.\u201d
\u2014 Anita, London<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI bought this for my sister-in-law and it completely changed how we talk about her experience.\u201d
\u2014 Kwaku, Ghanaian-British man trying to be a better ally<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is what I mean when I say Dreaming<\/em> of a Life Unlived<\/em>  isn\u2019t just a book, it\u2019s a mirror, a healing balm, a protest, and a gentle hand on someone\u2019s back saying: you belong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Belonging, Reclaimed<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Part of the work of this book has been to reshape how we think about belonging. If you\u2019ve ever felt like the “plus one with no little one,” the single chair at the family BBQ, the overlooked colleague when it comes to “family-friendly” policy, you\u2019ll know what I mean.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Childlessness can exile you, in big and small ways. My work and this book is about breaking that exile. Reclaiming space. Saying that we deserve compassion, inclusion, and joy just as much as anyone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Media Themes: From Punchline to Power<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

In the last year, it\u2019s been heartening (and let\u2019s be honest, a bit outrageous) to see the childless conversation make headlines not all good, but all necessary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Take the Financial Times<\/em> piece “Beware the March of the Childless Voter”<\/strong>. It pointed out that childless adults now represent a significant and growing political demographic. We are voters, professionals, carers, community builders. And yet, policies from housing to healthcare rarely consider our realities. That invisibility isn’t just emotional; it’s structural.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then came the brilliantly titled “Childless Cat Ladies Fight a Tide of Pronatalism”<\/strong>. Sounds funny until you realise it\u2019s not. The article explored how women without children (by choice or not) are still publicly shamed, dismissed, or reduced to tropes. You\u2019ve seen it: Kamala Harris being mocked for being \u201cnot a real woman,\u201d or the constant barrage of headlines about regret, spinsterhood, and who will take care of us when we’re old.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But here\u2019s what these articles also capture: resistance. Women speaking back. Women owning their stories. And books like Dreaming of a Life Unlived<\/em> playing a part in that wider chorus of “enough.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Workplaces Still Have Work to Do<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

This birthday also has me reflecting on the corporate space because women are still navigating awkward maternity leave and baby talk conversations. You\u2019d think in 2025 we\u2019d have moved on, but the workplace is still learning how to value employees outside of parenthood status. What we need is a shift from parental perks to people-first policies. From assumptions to curiosity. From silence to language that holds us all. That\u2019s part of what I\u2019ve been working on with organisations: helping organisations see the childless employee not as an anomaly but as part of the human fabric. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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A Little Birthday Joy<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

So no, I won\u2019t be throwing a kids\u2019 party for this book (unless someone wants to bake me a uterus-shaped cake? \u2013 oh now that would be something worth seeing), but I will be raising a toast to:<\/p>\n\n\n\n